Mommy? It's Me, Dean
by Broken Twisted Lullabies
Summary: It's the christmas of 1983 and four year old Dean is spending his first christmas in a motel without his mother, confused. Set as a prayer (Moved from my other account)
**A/N: I had this idea when thinking of the song "** ** _Christmas Shoes_** **" and thought how it might be for four year old Dean to celebrate his first Christmas without his mom and this sprung into my head! I'm sorry it's sad.**

 **All of it is in Dean's POV but as a prayer, telling his mother about what was happening.**

* * *

 ** _December 23_** ** _th_** ** _1983_**

Mommy? It's me, Dean. Tomorrow's Christmas but it doesn't feel like it because daddy didn't put up any of your decorations. I asked about them earlier, why we didn't put them up and he told me they were back at home. But when I asked him if we could go home to get them he just got sad again and shook his head. He said we couldn't get them and I was so confused Mommy. Why can't we go home? Why is it every time I ask about you or going home Daddy gets sad? I thought Mommies and Daddies never got sad but Daddy always is sad.

Is he sad because you aren't here momma?

Are you decorating our house and then tomorrow me and Sammy and Daddy will drive home in the car and you'll be there, waiting for us?

I asked him that and he said this was our home. I don't want to live in this stinky motel room anymore mommy! I want my room back with all my toys and my big-boy bed! I want to wake up and run downstairs and you'll be cooking something yummy and Daddy will be smiling again!

I'm sorry I'm crying right now Mommy because you would say it's almost Christmas and we should be happy but I'm sad.

Please can you find us and make Daddy happy again. Give me lots of hugs and tell me stories. We all will play with Sammy and watch movies snuggled in fluffy blankets and eat yummy sweets.

That you'll come and bring us our gifts and watch us open our presents and we can decorate this room so it looks nicer and we will all be happy. Mommy why aren't you with us? Were we bad little boys and scared you away? Is that why Daddy is sad?

Please come back Mommy! I promise I will be good! I will eat all my veggies, even if they taste icky and listen and not get mad when you say no more sweets! I'll pick up all my toys and not leave a mess in my room and make sure Sammy listens also! We'll be very good little boys Mommy! So you can come back and make Daddy happy and give me and Sammy lots of hugs.

I miss you Mommy. You said angels were watching over us but what if something happens to you? Do you think the angels listen and will bring you here? Because I'm scared Mommy that Santa doesn't know where we are and he won't bring us presents, 'especially since Daddy wasn't able to let me send him a letter. What if he thinks I was a bad boy? I don't want him to think I'm a bad boy and won't get any presents Mommy!

Do you think if Santa doesn't know what I want, the angels will tell him? Because you said they live high up and Santa lives high up right? So they can tell him and he can give me and Sammy and Daddy presents! They can do that, right Mommy? Because all I want for Christmas is for all of us to be back home with you and Daddy to be happy Mommy. Can Santa and the angels do that?

I hope they do.

I have to go now Mommy. I'm sleepy and you wouldn't be happy if I stayed up really late. See? I'm being a good boy so you can come home again!

I love you Mommy.

* * *

 ** _December 24_** ** _th_** ** _1983_**

Mommy? It's Christmas Eve and still we didn't put up any decorations. Daddy didn't even put up a tree! Will Santa still come even if we don't have any decorations? I really hope he still comes because it's Sammy's first Christmas.

Did the angels tell you to come for Christmas?

I really hope they did because we all miss you. I told Daddy that I wanted you to come for Christmas and not any toys and he got sad again. Did I say something wrong Mommy? Did something happen that you can't come for Christmas Mommy?

I remember there were firefighters at our home Mommy and there was a big fire. Every time I go to sleep I see our pretty house in the fire and I feel so scared because I can't find you Mommy. The firemen are yelling and Daddy's holding me and Sammy but I can't see you.

Did you get hurt in the fire Mommy?

Is that why Daddy is sad?

Are you at the hospital?

Is that why we can't go home and you aren't with us Mommy?

You did say fire could hurt you so maybe that's why you're not here. You are getting better and then we can all be together again. They fixed our home right? Because they know we need to go back home. All of our toys and food and clothes are back there Mommy. The firefighters are good guys, and only bad guys would not fix our home.

Are the angels watching over you Mommy? Because I don't want you to be hurt still and I'm a big boy. I can watch myself for a little bit while they take care of you. Angels are good guys, so they have to help fix you because that's the right thing to do, right Mommy? You always said it was good to help others, especially if they get hurt and that's the angels' jobs. Make sick people better. But only if you are really sick or hurt, not if you have a small cold like I did a long time ago.

Please come back Mommy. Listen to the nice angels and then we can go home and open presents and be happy. I miss you Mommy and I'm scared.

I have to go to sleep now or Santa won't come. I love you Mommy.

* * *

 ** _December 25_** ** _th_** ** _1983_**

Today is Christmas Mommy! And Santa came! I got new shirts and some toy army men while Sammy got some clothes and a stuffed bunny. I want to be happy Mommy but I'm still sad. Did Santa not listen or did the angels get confused? Daddy says we have to leave today and you still haven't come.

I don't want to leave Mommy. What if you are just late and we leave? And you get lost and scared because you can't find us?

I have the present for you still Mommy. I forgot to tell you yesterday. We went to town a few days ago when Daddy needed to talk to someone and me and Sammy had to wait in the car. We were waiting for forever and then there was a nice mail man outside. I left Sammy in the car quickly so I could give the mail man the picture to give to you.

He asked me who it was for and I told him it was for you Mommy. But he told me he couldn't send you the picture. I got mad at him mommy because it was his job to give you your Christmas present and he wouldn't listen to me.

Then a nice lady came up to me and the mail man and tried to help me Mommy but she didn't listen either. She asked where you lived and I told them you were in the hospital with the angels. They looked all sad when I said that Mommy. Did they know you?

But they still didn't help me send you the picture. I was crying and telling them they were meanies and that you would be sad without your Christmas present but all they did is say sorry Mommy. And then Daddy came back and he got mad at them, telling me it was time to go and I shouldn't have left Sammy all alone. When the lady said I'm sorry to Daddy he got so sad Mommy. And he took me away and when we got back in the Impala he was quiet. Why did the lady say sorry Mommy? She didn't do anything bad to Daddy. Maybe because she made him sad?

We are in the car right now Mommy, driving somewhere else. I asked Daddy if we were going home and he didn't answer. Did I make him mad Mommy?

I don't want him to be sad anymore Mommy. I want us to be happy in our home again. You and Daddy and Sammy and me. Do you think I can ask for the angels to bring you for my birthday present? Will they listen then Mommy?

Because I miss you so much and I don't want to sleep in yucky motels and in the impala anymore. I want my bed and I want you back Mommy.

I still have your present in my pocket. I didn't want to fold it because it would be crumpled Mommy but if I held it I might lose it Mommy and I don't want to lose it.

I am helping Daddy take care of Sammy but I know Sammy misses you too Mommy and I am scared if you don't come soon he won't remember you Mommy. He might forget and you said it's not good if you forget something and I don't want him to forget you or our house Mommy. I've been very good Mommy so please come back. I miss you so so much Mommy.

Me and Sammy and Daddy love you.

 **A/N: Sorry if it seemed a bit simplistic, the writing style but from a 4 year old's perspective; this is the type of speech they may have. I hope you guys liked it and happy Hanukah/Christmas/holidays!**

 **-Ally**


End file.
